A year has gone by already since I looked back onto 2015 and who would’ve thought it! Looking back onto that post, it sends me chills up my spine because of everything that’s happened since.
There’s something about starting anew during the new year which is funny because everyday is a chance to start anew. But there’s something different when it comes to the new year- it’s like a rush of energy that overcomes you and makes you think that this is it and you are going to do what you set out to do.
Well let me give you this little inkling of wisdom: how your year starts does not determine how it ends, and how it ends does not determine your new year.
This started off pretty crappy for an entirely different reason and the first few months were very hard because of it. Whilst dealing with said situation, I’ve also been trying to get through my last year of university and I was also in the process of submitting my masters application. And it hasn’t been easy and I’m pretty sure at one point, I was going to breakdown.
It’s so easy to dwell on all the negativity in my own personal life this year. There is so much I would change but it’s taught be so much. It’s so easy for us to want to change those bad things but sometimes, we don’t have any control over it and we have to be okay with that. Certain events unfold for one reason or another but in the end, it’s for the best (in it’s own weird way ofc).
2016 has been a MASSIVE year of achievements for me. I graduated, got into my masters and passed my driving test- it was as if nothing great has happened in a few years and BAM! It all happened at once. To relive that rush of happiness I got during all of those things- I would do anything. But it got me thinking- I’m not always going to be having those moments.
For a moment I thought, am I defined by those moments? Who am I without them?
A RANDOM WAVE OF THOUGHTS occurred and for awhile, I started questioning my own self worth. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with my achievements but I had a period of self revelation towards the end of this year and I realised- I wasn’t quite happy.
I wasn’t happy with myself.
For the coming year, I really want to focus on my own personal growth and well being. And self love. Because in this crazy society, it’s so easy to get lost and feel overshadowed by everyone and question your own self worth. It’s so easy to have your confidence knocked down over and over, regardless of what you’ve achieved. I want to be able to get to the point where if someone doesn’t like something about me, I would just roll my eyes and smile goodbye instead of thinking that there is something wrong with me.
I think in this day and age, especially as a young woman, a person of colour, it is SO SO SO important to have the confidence in yourself as it will be invaluable for the rest of your life.
With that being said, overall, 2016 has been a great year for me, with many personal triumphs and being able to discover and experience new things! I really hope 2017 is a year where I will be able to heal, and focus on being more content with myself.